Monday, July 28, 2008 ... Posted at 10:52 AM
Slight memorable conversations.
...
(Gold4Lugers) hello
(YDS) Hello
(Gold4Lugers) long time no talk
(YDS) How are you doing Hatsuya?
(Gold4Lugers) Working on my NetGame Crisis Saga game
(YDS) Ah, good deal. What is about?
(YDS) And what platform are you making it in?
(Gold4Lugers) RPG Maker XP
(Gold4Lugers) and a possible remake via DarkBasic or in GDK C++. (in case I decided to make a RO-like RTS RPG)
(Gold4Lugers) here's the story
(Gold4Lugers) A high-end sci-fi fantasy online role-playing game called "Neo Terra" was released worldwide by a multinational game company named "Vexel", in conjunction of a summer anime, manga, and game convention. On the first day of the game's worldwide Torrent, hi-speed DDL and DVD disc, and Blu-Ray release, roughly 12.5 million players around the world logged in to the game. For the Vexel company, it was a success. A week after its record-breaking
(Gold4Lugers) In response of the exploit abuse, unexplainable player injuries and deaths began happening worldwide, and it started in "Kaijo Nippon" and in Arroyo
(YDS) Sounds like dot.hack
(Gold4Lugers) yeah, but a bit more brutal and random like the Final Destination movies
(Gold4Lugers) it's like: If my swordsman character got electrocuted and died, I might die by being electrocuted.
(Gold4Lugers) I dunno how would people in real world die if their character got killed by a "wind element" or being beamed to death.
(YDS) In the real world
(YDS) ?
(Gold4Lugers) yeah.
(Gold4Lugers) and the characters, well as much as possible, I would like to have Japanese, Americans, Koreans, Filipinos, Chinese, Russians and even Germans together
(YDS) Good deal
(Gold4Lugers) here's the NetGame Crisis Saga blog: http://netgamecrisissaga.blogspot.com
(Gold4Lugers) and also, I might reveal some exclusive NGCS info in my own board: http://z4.invisionfree.com/The_HATSU_Nation
(YDS) Ah
(YDS) Why don't you post at RMN?
(Gold4Lugers) well, it might end up being overlooked and underrated.
(Gold4Lugers) And about the "HATSU! Nation", it's a small organization that "we welcome what others can't welcome, we like what others dislike"
(Gold4Lugers) Basically, HATSU! Nation was supposed to be the "GW & GF Rejects Sanctuary"
(Gold4Lugers) One notable quote from a certain character: "[???], to end your fears and sufferings... poke that diamond rapier of yours on my throat when the 'Red Flash' is triggered"
(YDS) Good deal. What is the context of that?
(Gold4Lugers) Well, it's one of my NGCS emo character's notable quote. Inspiration? Well, it's me in my suicidal side (a.k.a. Mirai Kuroi at that time).
(YDS) Shitty deal
(Gold4Lugers) ?
(YDS) Oh, that you, er, wanted to commit suicide.
(Gold4Lugers) well, last 2 years ago, 'cause I've been a bad friend on someone, thus rendering me
creating one of my "sides", until now I still have him, but the good deal is he's chained and sleeping deep
(YDS) Oh. That is good
(Gold4Lugers) "I won't help you in your quests no matter how in the hell would you spam!" ~This one's based on both Nessiah and my former crush 2 years ago, and it had a slight relation with the emo character I've cited
(YDS) Former crush?
(Gold4Lugers) Miki.
(Gold4Lugers) She's the one.
(YDS) Oh, that sucks. Do you have a new crush now?
(Gold4Lugers) Well, I have three, and four, countin' her until now.
(Gold4Lugers) Well, I have three, and four, countin' her until now.
(Gold4Lugers) By 2:00am +08:00 GMT, I have to go to sleep
(YDS) Alrighty. Have a good night
(Gold4Lugers) I still have 8 minutes though
(Gold4Lugers) YDS, even though we're enemies by groups (GF x HATSU! nation), if I happen to finish my games, would you still play it?
(YDS) Why not.
(Gold4Lugers> Angelo Dela Mercedes, my main character was supposed to be gay (esp. during its Silver Sunflowers time)
(YDS) Ah.
(YDS) Gay?
(Gold4Lugers) but it turned out that I have to tweak him up, into a TV series fanatic. BTW, it's my Hatoru-kun (remember when I used Hatoru as my nick?)
(Gold4Lugers) yes.
(YDS) Yeah.
(Gold4Lugers) Originally, he already kissed five male celebrities in a "fan's day".
(Gold4Lugers) YDS, even though we're enemies by groups (GF x HATSU! nation), if I happen to finish my games, would you still play it?
(YDS) Why not.
(Gold4Lugers) Angelo Dela Mercedes, my main character was supposed to be gay (esp. during its Silver Sunflowers time)
(YDS) Ah.
(YDS) Gay?
(Gold4Lugers) but it turned out that I have to tweak him up, into a TV series fanatic. BTW, it's my Hatoru-kun (remember when I used Hatoru as my nick?)
(Gold4Lugers) yes.
(YDS) Yeah.
(Gold4Lugers) Originally, he already kissed five male celebrities in a "fan's day".
(Gold4Lugers) if you're still thinkin' that I might act back as "Hatsuyashi", I can't tell when, but it might come out if I really need him to.
(YDS) Who is Hatsuyashi?
(Gold4Lugers) Oh my, this seems to be a refresher regarding my Den-O Complex (simply MPD). I use that name if I'm really in deep rage, when my suicidal and violent thoughts get along with each other
(Gold4Lugers) if you happen to see me in RL and angry on the 'nets, expect me typing fast, with matching any evil music in the background
(YDS) Ah
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Thursday, July 17, 2008 ... Posted at 11:41 AM
Log of the Day
...
[11:38] Anigmasis: http://www.ashelia.com/Ashe_aka_Ashelia_Princess.jpg How do you fight wearing that?
[11:38] silvershadelynx: promiscuously
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Wednesday, July 16, 2008 ... Posted at 12:34 PM
Survey!
...
1. Would you make a fool out of yourself in public if it meant you were making your partner laugh?Of course. Smiles of my friends is what I cherish most.
2. Would you prefer the lights on or off during sex?Uh ...
3. Do you judge people solely by their musical preferences?I try not too ... but I'll admit its hard.
4. If you could 'take back' your virginity from your first partner, would you?Uh ...
5. Would you ever start a relationship with someone who was still living with an ex for financial reasons?I depends on the person.
6. Do you need to know everything about someone's past?Nope, but I'll always offer open ears. Though I can't stand people who pressure others to talk about personal things. My philosophy is someone will tell me if they are ready. Unless its something life threatening and dire, people should be comfortable.
7. It is more worthwhile and satisfying to improve the world or appreciate the world?A mixture of both is healthiest. Improve the world because you love it.
8. Do you feel you have a purpose or calling in life?Somewhat ... but I feel its being muted by other battling voices.
9. Do you believe that dreams can be messages from a "higher level"?Erm ... no. That sounds like some kooky superstition.
10. Would you rather have a great friend you could share everything with or a great lover you can't really talk to?A great friend who is a great lover. I wouldn't love someone who I couldn't talk to.
11. Is the male or female body the closest to perfection?Whatever.
12. Should a child who's caught masturbating be punished?Erm ... That's a strange question. I don't really know about "punished" but the adult should have a serious conversation with him/her.
13. Do you like kissing in public?I guess a peck to the lips or the hand is charming, but god, people should keep their spit to themselves in front of others.
14. Do you have a fetish that you would like to employ in your next relationship?Uh, no.
15. Did America really put a man on the moon?Yes.
16. Would you date someone significantly (9 years or over) older than you?Erm, I guess that would depends on several factors, but I don't see myself doing that.
17. Generally, in life, what makes you happy?Adventures! And living everyday excited for the next.
18. How well do you handle criticism?Depends on who it is and how its said.
19. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you?What?
20. When fooling around with someone, do you sometimes have sexual fantasies about other people?Erm, that's disgusting.
21. Is it possible for full-figured women to be equally attractive as thinner women?Why not.
22. You've just met someone incredible while out with friends, and (s)he's been kind enough to cough up a phone number. How long would you wait to call?Whenever I feel like it.
23. Do you think the family of a murder victim should have any say in what punishment is given to the murderer?No. They are too emotional to give an objective and fair punishment. Do that and you'll have everyone on death row.
24. Would you have a 'Happy Button' installed on your body, connected to your brain, which would instantly make you very happy whenever you pressed it?Its tempting, but no. I wouldn't appreciate the moments where I am truly satisfied.
25. Would you rather know everything about your mate, or be regularly surprised?Don't care.
26. We are all human, do you judge someone for a past indiscretion?It depends on who they are now.
27. What is sexiest on a woman or a man?I suppose their face?
28. Would you rather have your dream job or your soul mate for the rest of your life?... damn you.
29. Do you consider yourself sexually open minded?Not sure what you are referring to. You mean with homosexuality? I think its okay for people to be so. About myself? No.
30. Should your mate also become your best friend?Definitely.
31. Would you rather marry a virgin or someone experienced?Who cares. Probably the former. The latter probably has some disease.
32. Have you ever had a true one-night stand?Ew, no.
33. Have you ever posed as a nude model?Don't insult me!
34. Would you prefer if good things happened, or interesting things?Hmm ... that's a tough one. I guess I am okay with either.
35. Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?That's another tough one. I honestly can't answer.
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Tired, sick and dying.
...
Ugh, for the past few days it seems that I am losing my mind. While I am at work my eyes just blur out -- maybe because I am paranoid as of late that I am losing my vision ... When I wake up in the morning I constantly feel fatigued and exhausted! I've had nightmares every single rest I take for the past two and a half week. As you can imagine, its driving my insane! Most of the times, it’s all just meaningless imageries but when I wake up, I feel so nervous and afraid. Christ, what is wrong with me?
Is this something telling me I need to take a withdrawal and relax somewhere?
Lately when I sit alone and think to myself, I have these strange visions that society is one giant factory that churns on people of all "models" and sorts. I feel that it’s controlling where I am going, and what I will do. It seems as if these steel cogs are going to slowly flatten me as I enter into the works.
I feel so frustrated sometimes because none of my western friends really understand me. Ironically, though I always say I hate Asian youths, it seems as if they are the people I can relate to.
For example, when my mom and dad got into a fight, he crushed the cell phone and threw it away. I wanted to pick up his SIM card because I knew he would look for it again in the future, but my mom stopped me and said he had plenty of money. The day after, what do you know, he asked me if I could find it for him. I looked at the disgusting bin in my kitchen and I noticed that it wasn't the same heap of trash ... so I knew what had happened, and I dreaded it. I resigned and slowly walked towards the dump and my doom. The toasty summer weather in the Californian valleys roasted the garbage like a zesty chicken. When I opened the lid contaminated with God-knows-what, a blast of gas attacked my sense of smell. I felt like vomiting, but I tried my best to hold my breath until I sorted through a few bags and picked a few that resembled yesterday's. My grandma later came out to help me after I had laid the bags on the ground.
Even though I had distanced myself from the dump, I could still smell the putrid odor emanating from yesteryear's food.
After sorting for awhile, I asked my grandma if my mom might have salvaged it, she said my mother was way too mad to do that! After a few more minutes of sorting, I gave up and called her. Well, what do you know; she had kept it safely in her room the whole time!
Gees.
Point of the story is, almost none of my friends understand the logic behind why I would go at such lengths to do such a thing.
I suppose I wanted to say: filial piety. Though that only made the conversation more confusing. I didn't feel like going on a sociological rant. Though my thoughts are: My pops works in hard conditions to provide me home, food and an education. Is it really too much to ask out of me to look for something for him?
I guess in this independent and selfish country, it is!
~~~~Well, I am going to my orientation this weekend. To be honest with you, I always liked Irvine, but for some reason, I feel embarrassed that I am going. Why? Maybe I just anticipated on the brand name colleges so badly and when I was rejected, I suffered some kind of ... mental trauma that I never recovered from. I think what hit me the hardest was what my mom said about how I just ended up in the same place as my brother. Then I thought about all those sleepless nights, constant terror, studying -- all of that, and I suppose feel upset and angry ... thinking I should have had more.
I was rather happy-go-lucky about it until my aunt’s wedding where I had an encounter with some old Asian ladies that asked me what school I was going to, and cackled at my response. Cackled like the sound of objects scratching against a chalk board.
Perhaps one thing that haunts me is how I decided not to apply for University of Chicago ... my dream school. The only thing that was really in my way was fear: fear that I didn't have enough money, fear that it was too far, fear I wouldn't get in ... in retrospect, it seems so petty and irrational. I should have just followed my heart instead of letting paranoia get the best of me.
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Monday, July 14, 2008 ... Posted at 10:25 PM
A story from a friend of mines, Evan Watson.
...
I’m sitting on a bench.
This isn’t some melodramatic fictionalized account where the author, sitting cozy in his room tries to lend realism to his story by employing first person voice, or even an actual recollection where the primary source uses present tense deus ex machina to bring the reader into his experiences.
I am sitting on a bench. I should be working.
This summer is my nineteenth, and, trapped in a maelstrom of indecisiveness and desperation, I decided to get as far away from my tiny, flat hometown of Acampo, California as possible by moving to the tiny, amazingly topographic town of Mammoth Lakes, California. I came on less than 72 hours notice for a job mapping the trails around the city , for maintenance and accuracy.
Which is what I should be doing now.
This bench is one of the things I’m mapping.
This is the last trail I have to do on this particular project, and its surveying was delayed by a construction project that’s going on along it. I had to wait until after the crewmen went home for the day to sneak in and pin it down on a map, even as it’s changing.
In addition, my equipment, a hand-held GPS that talks to the stars rather than one of the bulky, tripod-mounted scopes my forbearers used, is suffering from Schrödinger's
malady, an affliction in which I don’t know if it will be working or not working from one second to the next, and I’m trying desperately not to collapse the wave-form. For the past several days—the weekend—the proverbial cat has been emphatically dead, and only today, Monday, did the wave-form mysteriously jump to the opposite alternative.
That’s why I’m out here tonight, after union rules dictate there are no construction workers out on this trail.
The forecast said thunder storms, and I believed it. Yet nothing more than a few drops of rain have fallen as I plotted the cross-country ski signs, benches, and bollards along the trail. The sun is setting under the clouds, making the mountain ranges glow against the black of the storm clouds. A slight breeze numbs my fingers as I type on my used, battered, rugged little notebook, making them stiff and prolonging the time I should be working, but am not.
I knew this bench was special before I reached it. There are rocks arranged around it, and the view is unparalleled. In the foreground are brush covered steppes, giving way to a swelling ridge of conifers and, behind them, the blood-red hulks of the Sherwins stabbing up from the landscape. To the right, the scar-faced hulk of Mammoth Mountain, the bulging pluton of Mammoth Rock, and the jutting precipice of Mammoth ridge, like the spine of the world.
Around the bench, rocks are arranged in a semicircle, like a shrine to some local god.
The bench itself is nothing special; brown rubberized criss-crosses of a metal skeleton, held together by welded pipe and bolts.
The plaque, though, is what really caught my attention, what persuaded me to dig my computer out of my backpack and sit for a while, contemplating the landscape, the texture of the cold air piercing my thin t-shirt, in the hopes that I might never forget, and that others who weren’t here might have some semblance of memory.
There is a name: Christopher Cairo Newton.
I don’t know it. I don’t know who he was, whether he was a fire-fighter, a businessman, or just a tourist.
There’s a quote.
“Take the fresh mountain air deep within your lungs and marvel at one of the most beautiful places in all of California, if not the world!”
I don’t know who said it. Maybe it was Christopher Cairo Newton. Maybe it was someone famous. Maybe it was just the person who paid for the plaque, and the bench.
But that’s not what made me stop. That’s not what’s causing actual tears to slide down my face like the rain that was promised but hasn’t yet come.
There are two dates.
The first is unremarkable: 9/23/62. 53 years, 10 months and 13 days ago.
The second:
9/11/01
Page: 616
See you on the other side of the Moon, Space Rocker.
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A lost trade.
...
Its been a long time since I actually attempted to draw something ... well, I finally picked up the pencil and began. I became so frustrated trying to ink things in onto a computer, though. My style is so sketchy. I guess I'll have to start with something more basic and then move my way up.
See you on the other side of the Moon, Space Rocker.
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Sunday, July 13, 2008 ... Posted at 4:55 PM
Another survey.
...
20 questions about you and your lover
You and your lover...♥
When did you guys start dating?
Hmm ... I'd say about a year and a half ago.
How long have you been dating for?
Erm, a year and a half ago?
How did you meet?
I remember I was reading a psychology textbook's glossary and there was a word called "penis envy" - I thought it was so funny, I felt the need to share my discovery with the closest classmate, who happened to by Charley.
Do you love him/her?
See the title of the survey.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person?
Ideally.
Does he/she make you feel like you are something?
Heh ... sometimes. (my eyes ... they are rolling)
Does he/she make you laugh and happy?
Yep.
Have you kissed?
Yeah.
Do you like being with that person?
Sure.
Would you cry if he had to go far away forever?
Not publically.
Do you like that person for looks or personality?
Personality. Looks? HA.
Would he/she die for you?
I dunno!
Would you die and for him/her?
I guess I would only know if the time ever came.
Does your lover make you smile?
Sometimes. Other times he makes me scream.
Does he/she support you in everything you do?
Hmm, I suppose so.
Does he/she try to be there everytime you need them?
Eh ... keyword is try.
Are you always constantly thinking about the person you love?
Yeah, sometimes for not so good reasons. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU FAT FAGGOT?"
Do you dream about him/her?
I 'spose.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with that person and raise a family?
I 'spose.
Do you love her/him with all your heart and soul?
I 'spose.
http://www.pimpsurveys.com/view-survey.php?id=13328
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Tuesday, July 08, 2008 ... Posted at 11:46 AM
Survey! Har.
...
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My face and then my hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Nothing in particular.
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Why not!
4.Do you plan outfits?
Nope. I'll grab whatever works without any consideration of looks.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Dazed. My right eye also feels uncomfortable.
6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
A Sanford pencil.
7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
Aim.
8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Ohh man it as weird. I was in some secret base by an organization that had the files of all the former marines encased in colorful cases. They pulled out my case (apparently I was in the Marines ...) and it was purple. I got mad and asked them, "WHAT? Why isn't it green?" And they told me to shut up and sit down. So I did and they began to ask me all of these weird questions about my moralities and personality. I was afraid they were going to sell me or do something crazy. Before they were done questioning me, I woke up.
9. Did you meet anybody new today?
A passerby ...
10. What are you craving right now?
Sushi.
11. Do you floss?
Of course.
12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Vegetable.
13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
Yesterday night.
14. Are you emotional?
Not particularly. Sometimes I do get upset, but normally I'd rather be detached.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?
The wha-?
16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Nope.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
A combination of both.
18. Do you like your hair?
Nope. It feels greasy right now because I used too much conditioner.
19. Do you like yourself?
Not really.
20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Nope.
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Never tried it.
22. What are you listening to right now?
The clicking sound of this keyboard.
23. How many countries have you visited?
Two ...
24. Are your parents strict?
Sometimes.
25. Would you go sky diving?
Let the wind take me away!
26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Sure. Maybe a Double Double.
27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
No way!Ilove In and Out fries too much.
28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
Nope.
29. Have you ever been in a castle?
Yep. Hearst Castle down in SoCal.It was gorgeous.
30. Do you rent movies often?
Never.
31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
I think the last math class I took ... it was Mandy/Stephanie.
32. Have you made a prank phone call?
Hahah ...Yeah.
33. Do you own a gun?
Nope.
34. Can you count backwards from 74?
Sure.
35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Some friends from my old high school. (wow I feel old!)
36. Brown or white eggs?
Never had any brown eggs, but I guess white eggs satisfy me.
37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
Nope.
38. Ever been on a train?
Yep.
39. Ever been in love?
What a great feeling.
40. Do you have a cell-phone?
Yep.
41. Are you too forgiving?
Unfortunately yes...
42. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah.
43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
One ... probably in class, the other ... probably sleeping.
44. Can you use chop sticks?
Yep. That's almost all I ever use.
45. Ever have cream puffs?
Mm .... half a cream puff. It didn't take me long to figure out I didn't like 'em.
46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
I've heard of it.
47. What was the last question you asked?
"Did I tell you that yesterday?"
48. What was the last CD you bought?
I never bought a CD in my whole life. :)
49. Boys or girls?
Who cares. Its just a genital or two that's really different.
50. What is your bus number for school?
I never rode a school bus. I car pooled/walked.
51. Is your hair curly?
Haha. Nope. Its straighter than a super Christian conservative.
52. Last time you cried?
A few days ago.
53. Ever walked into a wall?
Oh more than you can imagine.
54. Do looks matter?
Who cares, its only a bunch of fiber in ze end.
55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
Nope.
56. Have you ever slapped someone?
Yes. It felt great!
57. Favorite time of the year?
WINTER. FALL. EARLY SPRING.
58. Favorite color?
Brown, Green, white and Blue. Earth colors ... I like it!
59. Are you sarcastic?
NOO.
60. Do you have any tattoos?
Nope.I find them disgusting.
61. The last person you held hands with?
Budgie.
62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
Nope. I sleep with the radio on, though. So I guess that can count.
63. Where was your default picture taken at?
My room.
64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Mm ... I think all of the tension has wafted away with the wind.
65. Do you like your life right now?
Its alright. I kind of wish for some change soon, though.
66. How often do you talk on the phone?
Fairly often, but in short bouts.
67. What is your favorite animal?
Dog, wolf and hawk.
68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A shirt that was on sale.
69. Do you have good vision?
Iuse to, but it seems to be declining lately ... maybe its because I am so paranoid that my computer usage is catching up to me.
70. Can you hula hoop?
Ya.
71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Nope.
72. Do you have a job?
Two, to be precise.
73. Can you handle the truth?
The truth is my lover.
74. What are you wearing?
Fabric?
75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yep.
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Monday, July 07, 2008 ... Posted at 9:05 PM
Groan.
...
So its another burning hot day.
For some reason, as of late, I feel that I am missing something. What that sometime is, I don't know, but I hope its over soon.
I always get these strange "phantom phone vibrations." I think its because I am always waiting for someone, somebody to call me. I hate that feeling - the feeling that I am depending on someone to verify that I exist and that I am a person.
Maybe what I need is a long break.
See you on the other side of the Moon, Space Rocker.
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