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Sunday, February 10, 2008 ... Posted at 1:47 AM

You Make It Easy ...
...

Its so ironic that I am sitting here at this late hour working away ... while listening to the song, "You Make it Easy," by AIR.

You make it easy to watch the world with love
You make it easy to let the past be done
You make it easy


Sometimes I wish this was the case. To just watch the world with no other care in the world -- to not be bogged down by this massive amounts of paperwork and people. Though I am alway s having such a difficult time doing that because my priorities has always and always selflessly lied with the product. That is all I care about ... an objective view of how "qualified" the product is. Never much for what I got out of it.

As a result, I've become a bit too over bearing.

I can't even summon the mathematical prowess in my brain to calculate the average hour of sleep I've had, but based off of vague memories, I'd assert three hours. Three hours of rest per night; three hours I can call my own, and only my own.

Today, my friend, Cheavaraman, did not do his supplements for college, I was enraged at his response: "I am tired."

I kept on calling him and harassing him that the due date was only within a few hours, but I was just threatening him, not worrying about my own fate. Finally, I demanded his password so I'll "fill out the fucking forms you should have." He willingly (though I honestly was aiming for him to say, "Okay love, I'll do it.") handed it over to me. Needless to say ... I did not make it in time to submit his ... or mines. When I realized this - that I put my college admissions in jeopardy to wait for some lazy fatass, I just lost my sanity for a good few minutes. Calling and screaming at him why would he not do it -- nothing would have happened if he just got off of his bed for a minute and would do his work.

But I cannot blame it all on him - I've become distracted ... and disoriented as well. The main difference between him and I, is that for the sake of my responsbilities and work, I would be willing to sacrifice my flesh and work to the death. Its my principle in life, and its become one that I am extremely proud of. Sometimes ... it feels that I work so hard just so I could find something I could be privately proud of. Regardless of how I downplay myself publically, deep down, I do feel a surge of pride.

To an outsider, it seems so strange how I react to Charlie's boughts of laziness. Sometimes, I'll "punish" myself by working even harder and more. Staying up to ridiculously late hours to work and work, just so I could show him -- that I can work myself nearly to death, but not quite there, and still live comfortably, and, more importantly, be able to move on and do what needs to be done. However, no matter what absurb thing I do, or how much of it I do, it only makes a fleeting impression. I cannot change his character and his organization -- I can't change that because its who he is, and I sometimes just cannot accept it for how it is.

Mentally, I can, but physically, I cannot. I cannot help but bring so much pressure on me to sometimes upsurp the things he does because I am not satisfied with it. At the end of the day, he'll say, "I never told you to do it."

I am a person of principles, if I say I will do something, I'll pursue it like a mad hound to the end. Cheavaraman, Charlie, whatever name he wants, cannot do that. He cannot put aside his precious time or whatever just to go onward and finish something. Maybe he isn't capable of it, maybe he doesn't care enough, maybe he wants to piss me off, or maybe ... I just care to much.

Maybe I should just ignore him and let him do what he wants, maybe I should just never talk to him, maybe I should never even look at him. Maybes, maybes, maybes.

I always ask myself these maybes -- perhaps I could find someone who'd care for me better, perhaps I could find someone more talented -- but the thought always goes back to this fat bum who's belly dictates the beloved.

If he was to ever ask me why I love him, I'd response, "Because I have no control over my heart ... sometimes I wish I did."

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Sunday, February 03, 2008 ... Posted at 4:32 PM

Whoa. Long time no see, Space Cowboy.
...

Man, its been way too long since I last posted here. I feel a little bad for not being more consistant. Anyways, a lot of things has happened over the past few weeks: the good, the bad and the ugly.

I hope I can get the opportunity to return and post some more as soon as I get home. I was using Charlie's computer for a little bit to do some work. I always have a problem with the keyboard back at home because it doesn't type very well as a laptop. Laptops have these really ... smooth keyboards that I've become use to over the past few months of regularly utilizing it.

Fortunately, I ordered a brand new spanking Dell from their annual sale. 250 GIG Hard drive space, 2 GIG ram, webcam and a beautifully customized color: green (yes, I know some of you are suprised that it wasn't brown or anything. My mom refused to let me get it).

I'll talk more about my life in depth ... but for not, I'll be departing to the other world.

The spirits has spoken 0 times. [Comment]






Hello happy friend!


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Name: K.Y.L.
Blood Type: O
Birth: Summer Equinox
Lucky Shades: Green, Brown, Blue, White
Interests/Likes:
Retro/Indie RPGs, hiking, travelling, current events, sociology, political science, mystery novels, nature, drawing, art critique, electronics, coastlines, forests, mountains, cold weather
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