Sunday, January 27, 2008 ... Posted at 11:14 PM

Anticipation. Cooperation. Decapitation.
...

Well. I think my inactivity has ensured me that no one is reading this blog anymore.

So how is it going? Its been quite a number of weeks. I've been working rather hard on a variety of projects, one of them being The Artifact which I've worked extremely hard one for ... a good one and a half days. Though hey, I think it turned out quite awesome. There is a lot more I have waiting in store for it after Academic Decathlon is over this week ... yeah, as you can tell, I am pretty bent on thinking we aren't going to land first place this year again.

Well, what can I say? Its a team effort, not a matter of an individual. Even if we had three people gain perfect scores ... As long as the rest of the team slacks off, its useless. Though I suppose I would be quite hypocritical in saying this because I feel that I have not given AcaDec my all. Though its so difficult to not get affected by the general complacency.

Speech went terrible for me - at least impromptu. I had some very boring judges. I couldn't tell what they were thinking, and that greatly bothered me to an extreme. I think interview went alright, I guess I'll have to see how I did. Ugh, the anticipation is stifling.
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Sunday, January 13, 2008 ... Posted at 6:56 PM

The hell?
...

Today is such a confusing day.

So this whole mess about whether or not something is an A Day or a B Day was one thing, then I figured that tomorrow is an A Day, and I'll pack for that. I was telling Rose, for the brief time I talked to her since that fiasco in San Francisco, about the confusion, and I was on a phone conference with some other people about this and she starts yelling at me, "What?! Why do I always get left out of everything? Blah, blah, blah." I thought, "... the hell dude? Its a three-way phone conversation that just incidentally occurred. Why would we just randomly call you?" Then I told her I have to go because I need to pack since I have class early tomorrow morning, she says, "Stop acting like you are the victim for everything! " I finally came to the resolution to block that her ass.

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Saturday, January 12, 2008 ... Posted at 11:58 AM

Plans
...

Reading on Mary's entry about plans made me think. While I do have concrete plans, I've never really written anything out to see for myself.

My parents have some fairly physically strenuous jobs ... In a few years, its about the time where they need to retire. They can't keep on going on, especially my dad because he is an automechanic. So its up to me to speed up on my school (which I've tried to the best of my ability). I estimated that I won't finish school until seven to eight more years.

Since I've completed all the pre-requisites for my major, I can expect three to two years in college. My major itself won't take too long, but I have to take all of the pre-medical courses.

After those two or three years, I might take a semester or two off so I can study for the MCATs and take it. Though I might just lump those into my University years. Once I have completed that, I HOPE (keyword: hope) I can get into a medical school here, rather than having to go to the Carribean like some people with low GPAs/scores - -.

That said, medical school usually takes four years, but there is a possibility I might stay there for five if I choose to specialize in Neuroscience.

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008 ... Posted at 11:22 PM

Sigh.
...

My mom and dad argued again tonight, as they usually do. It just feels so hopeless at times, I suppose.

My mom sat on my bed for awhile and then went out to the kitchen where she just stared blankly into the distance. I sat there and rambled on and on about the caucuses or how much I hated the woman, Clinton. She just continued staring and, with much fatigue in her eyes, comment occasionally.

So now I find myself sitting here and reflecting back on some thoughts that I dare not tell anyone else other than the non-existent audience reading this blog. In some ways, I kinda like it. At least I can rest assure that its not being BROADCASTED, per se. Those who care or remember can visit here and read if they choose. And, thus far, the only people I've shared it to are the people I cared about. Huh ... does it mean that the feeling isn't reciprocated? Whatever, it doesn't matter if they don't care or not, as long as I have a place to contain my thoughts so my brain doesn't explode.

That aside -- I have a confession I'd like to make.

During this entire break, I've felt ... somewhat down. I cannot pin it. After we returned from San Francisco, all I've done is sat in my room and played games I've downloaded from the internet. Games like Final Fantasy VII and VIII ... I haven't even touched them since I was a little kid. Ah, the good memories. At that time, I didn't have to worry at all. Even though my parents would still argue, and their fights were much more violent then, who cared. We had a lot of people living at the house and they comforted me.

Now, I live in this giant place, and there are hardly any inhabitants. Thus, I spend all of my time dead. Yes, dead. Why? I am not alive right now, at least I don't feel like it. All I am doing is reflecting in the past. As I play the game, it feels like I am eight or seven or ten again. I don't have to worry about the outside world and what they think of me. As if I gave two shits what they think of me. Its not as if anyone notices in the first place.

Being alive again, for a brief moment, and returning to the present. Stephanie asked me today if I wanted to go to China, I was surprised she'd ask that, at first I was a bit hopeful. Oddly enough, a magazine I had subscribed to (and had not heard from for months) finally arrived today: National Geographic Traveler. Interestingly enough, they were doing a special on China.



I was elated! I thought this was a god-given (even though I am atheist) sign that I can finally have an adventure and go somewhere far away and do something and learn something! Later this night, my mom dug through the rest of our letters and annouced to me (being the only other sober person in the house) that the government demands taxes for the home for the next four years. I didn't even propose the idea, I just kept quiet to myself, and sympathized. Knowing my dreams were crushed.

The economy is so bad. I, myself, have to work jobs. I need to save my money for education ... yeah. Regardless of what happens, I can't lose sight of that.

Cheavaraman has been in a bad mood today, it seems. Maybe Cheavaraman is lost in thought because his mother is bringing people over from other countries for a bit of money to survive on. In some ways, I feel so angry at Cheavaraman for being so single-minded, but I can't blame that person. They have a hard life.

Myself? I suppose I live a relatively comfortable suburban life ... yet I just feel so much discontent. Like all those moments where Rose made me so angry. It was strange. It felt that there was someone using a paddle to beat my brain. I could practically feel the chemicals in my brain swishing and swirling -- giving me a strange sense of rage that I am almost afraid of.

Jesus, I am going off topic. I'm rambling again. I think too much sometimes. Whatever.

So I basically spent my entire day playing games and reorganizing the post cards on my wall.





Everything I have nowadays is travel themed ... even the checks I have. I suppose its the most comforting thing for me -- just to have something remind me of the fun times I had away from this dead end suburb filled with dead-end people.

After spending a bit of time away from this wall of text, maybe its because I never express my feelings, so people never know. I let every sit and rot in a cauldron. Sometimes I leave bad memories there for years and years until it finally starts igniting from all the creatures that grows on it and boils. Then I start to spout out what seems like non-sequiturs. Well, what can I do? Would anyone give two shits if I said anything? That's why I hate it when people assign me leadership roles. I'd rather just take orders ... of course, then I'd be thinking in my head how terrible the administration is ... this and that.

I may be a problem child.

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Saturday, January 05, 2008 ... Posted at 2:38 AM

Funny convo
...

(2:34:29 AM) Comrade KYL: what are you doing up so late mister?
(2:34:40 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: I could ask you the same question, missy!
(2:34:48 AM) Comrade KYL: i am doing homework sir
(2:34:59 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: I am...making a CD
(2:35:01 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: then I will watch porn
(2:35:04 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: then go to sleep
(2:35:06 AM) Comrade KYL: oh ok
(2:35:12 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: but this should take a while
(2:35:21 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: what homework are you doing?
(2:35:28 AM) Comrade KYL: Epidemeology.
(2:35:40 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: whoosh
(2:36:19 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: that is?
(2:36:52 AM) Comrade KYL: study of diseases
(2:36:57 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: ah
(2:37:01 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: how's that going
(2:37:15 AM) Comrade KYL: Its pretty morbid, disgusting and disturbing
(2:37:16 AM) Comrade KYL: I like it!
(2:37:25 AM) Mr Fun Mystery: that's the Xenos I know!

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hump hum hum san francisco
...

I bet you all have been wondering where I have been for the past few days. Yeah, I am being lazy so I didn't update as scheduled, and I apologize for that. Right now, I am typing with my eyes closed and while I enjoy some beautiful space rock. So excuse any typoes. I am not seeing anything but the blackness of my eyelids. I am relying all on muscle memory to send you this message.

New Years was a mix between wonderful and awful. During the trip to San Francisco (where I remained for three days and two nights), I felt like someone's punching bag. I don't feel like divulging into the details of something so distasteful, so I am going to skip that. The best moment of the day, by far, was when I stood on top of this hill in San Francisco with Cheavarman and watched the explosions in the sky from away. We had some cider and we toasted to the new year coming. I paused then as I felt so awed ... 2008. years ago, when I was a freshmen entering high school, it felt so far away. And now it is here. I have half a year left to enjoy what childhood I had left. Though what childhood do I have? Or had, even.

Some people told me that I would regret working my life away, sometimes I do too ... but even if I went sent back in time I would still choose the same rigid path. Even if I was sent again the third time, I would choose the same path. That is just the way I am. I cannot change it and I won't really change it. Though people tend to shoot me strange looks about my antics, they can go have gay sex with themselves for all I care.

Wow, how did I get so far off the original topic? Uhh ... returning to the hill. It was marvelous. Only a native San Franciscan would know of it. I felt rather angry at myself because I didn't bring a camera with me, but even then, I doubt I could catch the splendor.

I went home that night and fell asleep around 2 AM. The next morning I woke up and took the bus all the way down Mission Street to the Metreon where I watched Sweeney Todd. It was a decent movie, I suppose. But the day after when I returned home and watched the original musical version, I was blown away. Then I was left to wonder whether or not the casts from the movie version was choosen because they had good looks and fame or whether or not they can actually SING! I think the answer is pretty obvious ... unfortunately.

Watching the movie was quite odd because the sound went out for a good five minutes and more than three-fourths of the audience left. After it was over, I recieved a free movie pass as a courtesy/apology. I wondered what I could possibly do with it considering I might not go up to San Francisco for a good while ... especially to watch a movie.

My party and I wandered around the streets for awhile. It was rather silent that day, which was rather strange. There were cars and the mutterings of people, but it just felt rather quiet to me. Then all of a sudden I heard a saxophone go off -- it was such a beautiful sound and it felt so lonely. Just like the streets of San Francisco. Unfortunately, I was too carried away listening to the beauty of the melody to that point where I completely forgt to give the guy some money. I later ran across another hobo who played the trumpet with the same level of skill, and I made sure to spare him some of the meager amount of money I had. I later came across a few drugged up hookers and hobos which I ignored completely. Cheavaraman noticed this and laughed, "Only if they play a musical instrument, huh?"

I ran into some more frustration later with someone, but again, ignore that. I don't need those memories floating in my head and making me more angry. Josh, Cheavaraman and I sat down on the first floor of my aunt's house and we watched an interesting programme called The 4400 -- which led into a gamut of interesting conversations from "Whether or not you would smother you baby to save yourself and many others from a dangerous situation" to something about how cheese decomposes. It was a pleasant night. Unfortunately, Cheavaraman's snoring bothered someone upstairs, so he was forced to sleep on the first floor with me.

It was quite comfortable to having Cheavaraman holding my hand and caressing my face as I slipped in and out of conciousness and eventually into the dream world. It suddenly brought up the thought of if I ever die, no way would be more peaceful than so.

So I returned home using the BART to get to Dublin. Mrs. Blackford drove us home the rest of the way and I returned to my domain ... where I became distracted with ePSXe, a PS1 emulator, for a good two days. Now everything has settled down, and I can truly focus on AcaDec.

Though lately I've become more and more irate concerning the obsession with people and politics in that class. I wish they'd divert their attention to the politics of the caucus instead -- or even more so to the--GASP--AcaDec material (that excludes fucking speech).

As fifteen minutes ago, before I opened NotePad and began to type this epic entry, I was reading about Music ... my weakness and fear. :(

Sigh ... I should head off to bed soon. Its rather late. I'll update with some photos later when its not 2:31 AM. Or whatever time this entry shows up as.

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Hello happy friend!

Name: K.Y.L.
Blood Type: O
Birth: Summer Equinox
Lucky Shades: Green, Brown, Blue, White
Interests/Likes:
Retro/Indie RPGs, hiking, travelling, current events, sociology, political science, mystery novels, nature, drawing, art critique, electronics, coastlines, forests, mountains, cold weather
Music: Space/Post Rock, Jazz, Folk, Game compositions
Food/Drinks: Spring rolls, chicken congee, sushi, cheese, pita, pad thai, pho, clam chowder, sprite, water, orange juice, berry smoothie, watermelons, grape, mangos, durian, carrot, pasta, lasanga

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